Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
