If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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