I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
