I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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