i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
