Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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