I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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