I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
