"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she peed on how many people?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
