new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
