i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
