And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
