I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
