You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
