i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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