he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
