Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
