she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
