my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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