the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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