i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
