Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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