how can u be prego again
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
