sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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