This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
