i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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