so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
