I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize