i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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