So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
