I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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