upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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