let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
