You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
A+ Viking dick
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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