I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
