I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
