youre lurking in front of me
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
