please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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