i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
