i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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