what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
