I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
