I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Randomize
