apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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