You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
