I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
