I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
