At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
