You made me cry and you don't even care
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize