Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
