Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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