This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
