11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
