Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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