you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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