She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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