That's intense
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize