my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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