the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
