Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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