Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
