our cab driver is having phone sex.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
