I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
