So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
