I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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