I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I will die if light touches me.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
