5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
