I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
