It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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