don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
